Living in a skip

There's nothing like a picnic in the park, with the sun shining, and what? What's that? Two remote control planes? Fabulous.

Can't they do it in their lounge, and fly them low in slow circles?

Or can we tax them? Flight tax?

It wouldn't be so bad, but we'd walked really far to get away from the children and ended up at an airport. Of course it's the one thing that constantly bonds us together, our general intolerance for most of society. We're like two, whingeing pensioners, 'it's too loud, too crowded, too warm'. And as I get older, I find more things to be annoying, and the previously annoying things, even more annoying. I need to re-learn that child-like acceptance of everything. When we were content with a stick and some mud, and nothing could distract us from the simple joys in life.

I spent a bit of time at the weekend poking various beetles and spiders with sticks under the vise of putting the washing out. And I realised how incredibly satisfying it was to be bigger than them and terrorising. I had to check myself, one step away from boiling the kettle, and seeking out ants. But for most of the weekend, we cleaned. I'm so glad to spot that the start of my twenty-fourth year is off to an experimental, and frankly dangerous start. The two of us, getting high off dettol and bleach, playing music at a moderate volume! I tell you, it's a bloody good job we've got Thailand in November where we'll die/nearly die, because we are craving a shake up.

The only real outcome of spring clean, is that I managed to answer the age old question, 'Where does all my money go?' Turns out it's on all the shit I own. Shit I'd forgotten about and abandoned. It's amazing what you can find when your boyfriend forces you to 'sort your crap'. Unfortunately another of our shared traits is becoming incredibly passionate about a hobbie, only for it to bore us a week later. Which is why we have boxing gloves, and a gardening set, two poker sets, tennis rackets, badminton rackets, ping pong bats, five unused cook books, how to read palms, how to read body language, how to psycho analyse yourself, tarot cards, and seventeen lip glosses in slightly different shades of red (Ginger Beards).

Car boot anyone?