Have you packed your own bags?

The stages of life with a Laptop Backpack (soon to me made into an animated feature film, coming to cinemas near you).

Stage one: Receive said bag. Phone father. Issue forth bag, and subsequent laptop as proof of succeeding in life. Point out array of compartments. Talk at length on necessity of travel. Establish self as that woman on the train, typing, drinking coffee, being important. Try to brush off chip from shoulder re crap, waste of time degree. Have made it. Smug, smug smug.

Stage two: Realise that cannot fully wear backpack as intended, as will not look cool. Must look cool at all times, in order to retain self-imposed idea of high status. Use one strap only, off right arm. Have handbag on left arm. Strut back and forth to station. Look very cool indeed.

Stage three: Slight issue with shoulder and back pain. Newly attained status is very heavy. Glare at laptop when not on back in bag, resent lap top. Cannot be that woman on the train, as hardly ever get seat. When do get seat, get seat next to smelly man, crying baby, old woman with too many bags. Experience severe travel sickness when trying to work on train.

Stage four: Recall previous battle with high heels as very similar. Convinced self could wear high heals for years. Drunkenly hobbled around city, fell down stairs, whinged, but wanted to be like other, normal girls and glamorous. Gave in. Bought flats. Now live in boots. Give in, now wear backpack fully. Do not look remotely cool. Do not even look geek chic. Is particularly fetching when matched with pencil skirt. Hate back pack. Hate laptop. Have not excelled in career, have gone backwards. Have started writing like Bridget Jones, and knocking people unconscious when turning round in small spaces.

To note: Do not have a lengthy meeting about appearing professional, go and visit your colleagues, sit on a table, and allow that table to collapse. Is not a good look, and combined with full on backpack, is very damaging to street cred.