Philip was right

The bus journey yesterday taught me two valuable things:

1.Charlotte got chinned by Luke, and her mates are like totes going to hunt Luke down and kill him.

2: Some peoples' lives are a lot worse than mine. Like the guy who initially couldn't take the call, because he was on the bus, but then five minutes later was screeching 'Stop being such a fucking bitch' with real gusto into his phone.

I hope this wisdom also aids you on life's journey.

ALSO, I'm sorry I've left you alone for so long. It's been a demanding few weeks, and yours truly looks like sleep-deprived shit.

On the plus side, I did sent a spam email to everyone I've ever emailed. That was a real hoot. I looked lovingly into my inbox one day to note that my father had sent me a personal message. How lovely, and on my birthday! I then proceeded to re-enter my password in pursuit of assumed amusing/affectionate message. Love really does make you blind, and a complete tard at that. My disloyal inbox then fired off the same trick to my whole address book. Thanks.

The real bastard here, is that my farther already knew that he'd been hacked. He's just so damn chillaxed, that he forgot to mention it. He did inform me that his computer is now clean, so he doesn't really know what the problem is. And I'm sure all the individuals I'd previously emailed about writing jobs will feel the same.

To quote Philip Larkin, 'This be the verse' -

'They fuck you up your Mum and Dad
They may not mean to, but they do.'

Well said Philip, well said.

I've got this other issue at the moment, where I keep trying to buy things in shops without any money. it always goes like this:

Shop Assistant: Great, that'll be £7.15 please.
Me: Oh no. Oh crap. I've not got enough money.

I'm so special. I keep leaving my debit cards around the flat to fend for themselves.

Recently, I looked over my attempted purchases and was like,

'Okay, put the toothpaste back, and put the butter back.'

You know what this left me with? You know what I'd decided was essential over toothpaste?

Three packets of Brivita Breakfast Biscuits (on offer).

Try cleaning your teeth with that.

I give up on myself completely.