Can't everyone just be friends?

I've got to be honest with you.

The only thing I really care about is the arrival of my deer head shaped hole punch from Berlin. It sits at the very heart of every wedding craft project I have devised.

So, if I come across as indifferent to you, and that I don't care, it's not like that, it's just because I've re-ordered my priorities, and decided you're not as important as a piece of expertly shaped metal.

I'M SORRY.

Every day I try to be a better person, but it's not working. I think it's time to admit that I'm not perfect (though I've been holding onto the assertion that I am, for some time).

If it helps, all of my colleagues want to kill me, because every time the office door bell rings I scream 'DEER PUNCH!' in a kind of boring, and pointless version of bingo.

But seriously, does anyone know where my fucking deer punch is? It's incredibly integral. I'm struggling to sleep.

Ginger was like, "Surely we can just go out to a shop and buy it."

But he is a bit stoopid and I had to tell him, "NO stoopid, it's really rare, and very intricate compared to others on the market. What's wrong with you?"

Please, don't feel sorry for me - we all have tough times.

In other news I made a new friend. He's called Rick, and he's in his late 60's and it's not weird.

We travelled on the tube together after I helped him sort his Oyster card out and covered the below topics. I'll leave you to decide who brought them up.

-Reasons why Cliff Richard is definitely not a 'poofter'
-Tips for gatecrashing private events
-How youth is wasted on the young.

This also happened (un-related)

Me: Oh look, one to add to your celebrity spot list - Sue Baker! (Shouted at Claire Balding).
Ginger: What? That's Claire Balding.
Me: Yeah, but they both look the same.
Ginger: No, they don't (Leads me away mortified).
Me: They do. They both have short hair.

And, I have these emails:

I think the emoticon Elane has used is really cute - nice touch. Elane and Sher are much more discreet pimps than Sexy Naughty Wives. I imagine that Elane and Sher have a multitude of legit businesses (like bakeries and letting agencies) and this is just something they do for fun on the side. Whereas Sexy Naughty Wives is really committed, and wants people to have no qualms about what's on offer.

I'm trying to think about what I've signed up for recently to warrant these offers. I've registered to vote - WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF THE TORIES WERE JUST SENDING ME THEIR USUAL SHIT.

I'M JOKING.

A bit.