Yes Sir, No Sir.

Been going through a bag of old school reports. Illuminating stuff. I was a very special thiirteen year old:

History - 'I am enjoying our new topic on slavery.'
R.E - 'This year in R.E I have really enjoyed the topic on racism.'

Maybe this is why I don't have any friends who aren't both White and British. Who enjoys the historical struggles faced by ethnic minorities? ME.

I was also a shitty fifteen year old:

'My weakeness currently is 'apparently' in maths.'

It really was. I was shit at maths. A girl called Yasmin threatened to attack me if I didn't do her homework and I was like, 'Look, I'm sorry, because I really don't want to be stabbed, but you will fail maths if I do your homework.' Then she laughed, and told everyone on our table that I was actually alright. And she never attacked me.

Come to think of it, bad things happened to me regularly in maths. Like, once a boy touched my thigh by accident then turned a worrying shade of purple and never talked to me again. It's a shame because we used to have some top quality conversation. But I guess my legs are pretty intimidating at the best of times.

Also one of my math's teachers was fired, becuase he was arrested for growing weed in his garage.

I had to take extra math's lessons in my spare time. It's amazing that I have a healthy relationship with my mother.

ALSO - and this is just a school thing in general, I once started a petition against the two most popular girls in school called the 'I hate Clare and Emma Petition.' I've changed their names in case they read this and come for me. I really don't think I understood what a petition was. But a lot of people signed it. And then Clare's sister found me and tried to throw me through a window on the second floor of the building. But my history teacher, drawn over by the crowd screaming for my blood, interrupted and saved my life. I can't remember his name, but he used to carry a large volume of pencils in his pockets which made him both a painful person to bump into in the corridor and a popular target for penis jokes. However, he was probably more well liked than me at this particular juncture.

You might be thinking that I was very unpopular at school. But you'd be wrong. I bought my trousers from M&S, was only comfortable in flat shoes and was once in a band naievly named, 'Threesome.' I spent many lunch breaks on daddy long legs killing sprees (their small deaths made me feel safer in the world), and got very upset when people borrowed my gel pens, then failed to return them.

That is all.