Locked out: Castaway pt 2

It begins with denial.

I can get in. I can bloody get in. I fashion a lock pick from a hair clip. How hard can it be? We ring every doorbell. We press our optimistic faces to the glass. I play with the green flies. Ginger Beard makes a start on the rations.

We keep track of the days my marking crude lines on the ground.

We take an Easter Egg, and make a face on it with our blood. It's christened 'Milson.'

The Morrisons shop begins to petrify.

What would Tom Hanks do? We sharpen sticks in preparation of fox hunting later.

The local natives offer us tea and their mobile, but the landlord is not answering.

We will not survive much longer. I hope the people I love, know that I love them. The sun burns. We have ten bottles of J20 but no bottle opener. Yoghurts, and no spoons. We could pour them into our mouths, but we're not yet savages.

Ginger Beard goes off, following a mirage. I give him up for dead.

I've been stuck in the same clothes now for an hour. Alas! Hope! The landlord calls, and although not even in the UK, will breach confidentiality laws and give up the number of a fellow tenant. A tenant who promises to play hero, and arrive in thirty minutes.

I celebrate. And then I remember that Ginger Beard is lost. I eat a cake. Things seem better.

Then who should come ballet dancing through the door, But the Beard himself, who has scaled fences and walls to save the day. (I cannot divulge the full details in case Burglars Anonymous read this).

The true tragedy, is that while we're safely inside, feeding our withered bodies, our other selves are still waiting. The tenant has not arrived. After another hour and we're pissed. Our poor other selves, we sympathise, still out there, still believing.  Another hour! Oh, vulnerable, dying other selves! We would be freezing, and sad, and have made a start on one another's limbs. It is now four hours later. The tenant is not coming. Our other selves have passed away. We hold a short, but touching ceremony.

How did you spend your bank holiday? Was it quite as good as this? Can it get much better than this?

I don't think so.