Recycle your bicycle

'Tis a sad day for the world - The untimely death of my mouse hand. After battling for a week or so with its whingeing, I have finally had to admit defeat. It woke me up several times in the night to tell me of its suffering. I've switched the mouse over to the left side, and my left hand has become a bit retarded. I am amused to watch it try and master the mouse, and also note that it is scared of becoming like the original mouse hand.

It's off to the Doctor's for me on Wednesday, and hopefully, I can even stretch this to get out of driving. Ginger Beard is fast becoming my chauffeur, and I'm finally treated with the lifestyle I deserve.

I'm also joining the ranks of my fellow drivers with road rage targeted at cyclists. When I couldn't drive I liked cyclists, I occasionally was a cyclist. Now, I hate cyclists! What do they think they're bloody doing on their bikes, on the road? Huh? Outrageous. But when I'm a pedestrian, I want them off the pavement. Get on the road you bloody cyclists! I genuinely don't believe there is a place for them, apart from the rare bicycle lane. No bicycle lane, no bicycle son. And all motorcyclists are suicidal. Luckily, when I was learning to drive, every time one came within five meters of me my instructor screamed, "Think bike! Think bike! Think bike!". I would scream "Where?" take my my eyes off the road, and check the backseat of the car.

Also, no one indicates. Cars let off a very fragrant whiff of 'Look, I'm going where I'm going'. And we politely continue to follow the instilled 'proper' driving ways of our test. Well except when I forget to drive with my glasses on. Oh, and going through that red light. And maybe the flat tyres weren't great. 1.6mm tread did not occur.

I can't drive this Renault Clio. I need a BMW with the top down. I should've been a business man in accounting, a silver fox let loose on the motorway. I'm oppressed.

In conclusion, if it hasn't got at least four wheels, give it up, and get the bus. I didn't commit to an obstacle course. I'm just trying to get to work love.