Tuesday, March 10, 2015

At home with weebles

Had a fight with Fats & Fats over the weekend, a.k.a the New Zealand contingent of our lovely house share.

Well that's not a very good nickname, I hear you cry, certainly not good enough to be applied twice.

But guys, it's symbolic, of their never-ending simplicity, and the shape of their bodies.

I took a photo of them for you.

















Before you accuse me of being a bully, the blonde one is intensely racist, and the other Fats accepts her, racism and all.

They're leaving at the end of March.

I'm not sure if this knowledge has made them worse people - like there's only three weeks left of any repercussions, or if it's us. Either way, we are sparring every few days, and two arguments away from a knifing.

Ginger: Hey guys, can we please use one of the surfaces in here?

Blonde Fats: No.

Ginger: Are you using that laptop on the table?

Blonde Fats: Yes. And who uses a table for cutting food on. It's a fucking table.

Me: It's a fucking kitchen.

Other Fats: You can go near the sink.

Ginger: You are both pathetic.

We were getting really excited about the prospect of them leaving/dying. Until this email arrived:




More? More of them? I sent out an S.O.S to the others:

No one replied.

I'm on my own with this.

After years of trying to suppress my inner weird, I've got to find a way to let it all hang out.

Do you like my email owl photo? I think it conveys a mixture of shock and judgement.

I'll be very receptive to any ideas of sabotage that you can offer. I'm not really interested in ones that require a huge amount of set-up, because Wednesday is my pretend-to-be-a-writer-day, and I need as much time, looking at my laptop, and pretending to be a writer, as possible.

CHEERS xg




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