A one way ticket to chumpsville

Recently, I've been spending the vast majority of my life sitting on a train. Last week, I sat next to a Weeble. That's right kids, a real life Weeble. Being asleep, meant that she had no apparent control over her body, and rocked dramatically side to side. It's not known for Weebles to be aggressive, but this one insisted on hitting me time and time again. When the train stopped at Leeds, I had to forcibly shake the weeble to wake her up, so that I could escape. However, she struggled to get up, and had to chuck herself into the aisle a few times, before her smooth weeble base allowed her to stand.

You think I'm joking. I'm not. Trust me, I'm a Doctor. No wait. it's Ginger Beard that's a Doctor. Oh no, wait, he's not a real Doctor either.

ALSO, I need to type up more of my Thailand journal, but I can't be bothered, because my time has dissolved into two base activities:

1) Complaining about how cold it is.

2) Complaining about being too warm.

You know where they keep the perfect temperature? I'll tell you - abroad. It's that sunny day with a slight breeze, and the only time we British are every truly happy. Your only two options in England are sweating and frost bite. Take your pick. And I'll let you in to a few other facts, your mother will try and roast you. She can't get enough of central heating. And your Ginger Beard will turn you into an ice cube, because you're wearing all your jumpers and he's still too stingy to show you how the boiler works.

I've also occupied myself with discovering why trains are so shit. It's because companies spend most of their time refunding first class passengers. It's something they pride themselves on. Every bloody morning commuter train, sees the declassification of First Class. And they're so apologetic:

'Excuse me, first class people? Is this on? Yes? Okay, people who are better than everyone else, I'm afraid that we're going to have to let the poor people sit with you. To apologise in advance for the possibility that one of them might, God forbid, touch you, your entire journey is now free. Look at it as compensation. For all superior passengers who have not had a recent rabies shot, please alight the train by jumping from it immediately (it's safer). On behalf of Northern Rail, I apologise for any inconvenience, poverty contamination, or imminent death that this announcement causes.'

Stop making rich people richer! Where the fuck is Robin Hood when you need him? You've got thirty people per train, travelling free each day. I tell you what would work out cheaper, BUY MORE TRAINS. You complete chumps.