Zumbariffic

For some reason, neither I nor Ginger Beard* can be bothered to buy cereal. Do we have the folded remnants of forty-two different varieties stuffed into one box? Why yes, yes we do. But will be ever desire a pic 'n' mix approach to breakfast? Certainly not.

As a result, ladies and gentlemen, I have come into the office and created my own breakfast: lemon green tea, grapes and a banana. After Zumba last night, I'm feeling so healthy I could do a cartwheel and survive (last time a cartwheel was attempted, it was not pretty, and could not walk properly for days).

I will not do this, but will instead drool over biscuits, which remain from Biscuit Monday. Will also smell green tea, but not drink it, and mush grapes into desk. Yum.

Unfortunately, I've got worse at Zumba. Yes of course I can still perform the kind of moves one might spot a prostitute using on a street corner luring in clientele. But that's a given when you've grown up in Nottingham (as well as being able to cope with being a shot and never really knowing who the father is.) I think the wine I drank last week made me 'think' I was alright. Now, in my complete sobriety, I see that I am a joke. But that's the power of beer goggles.

You should do it! It's a fabulous lesson in humiliating yourself in public.

Have you ever been holding a cup of water, and your handbag, and trying to get into your house, poured that water into your handbag? No? Highly recommended.

I'm holding off on my reading of Sylvia Plath's journals, because I'm worried I'll reach the same conclusion that she herself was drawn to: putting my head in an oven. And I've still got a lot more people I wish to annoy, and handbags I'd like to ruin, before meeting such a heated end.


*Ginger Beard - for those who are unaware, is my lesser, more ginger other half. He thinks that he's a doctor, but really he plays around with pigs all day or something, taking their knees away. It's really quite sad. If you would like to make a donation to me, to help me cope with this, it will be accepted.