Amaze Balls

I would like to share with all of you, the search phrases which are directing people to this here blog:

Bullying for beginners Don't know why Not talking about the The demon which I was hoping You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar It all makes perfect sense. I do apologise for my absence. I've been in Scotland for a week in St Abs (or as I've affectionately named it, Stabs). Population - 3. They don't really know about mobile phones over there, so mine didn't work. AND the real shitter, was that I couldn't even get on Dream Zoo. I know. Apparently if you write a blog about your stay, which they like, you can get money off your next visit. I really hope they don't mind being referred to as Stabs. To be fair, I didn't get stabbed once, unlike in Nottingham where our favourite activity is comparing bullet scars. One day, we all went out to try and find dead things. Because this one time, when we all went to Bamburgh, we found a dead rabbit, and it's become a sort of cosy tradition. No dice. I also cooked a big fish pie, and didn't poison anyone (against the considerable odds). Yay for me. Ginger Beard forced me to go on a cliff walk in high winds, and during our Fresh Prince of Bel Air duet, he got some of the words wrong, and it was a real disappointment to be with someone, with such a pathetic grasp on their childhood. I nearly pushed him off, but realised my blog would be considerably duller without my mocking of him. So, he lives. We played poker. It turns out I suck at poker. I lost all my fake money, and consoled myself with pretzels. I also didn't win Balderdash, with is essentially a game of lying. I mean, I lie all the frigging time. There's barely a spot of truth about my person. It's an outrage. I vow to be even more full of shit in order to remedy this.  Oh, did I meet someone famous, hiding at the end of the world from the paparazzi?!! No, no I didn't. But, did I spend most of the time missing my zoo, drinking Baileys, and reading terrible books. Why yes, yes I did. The glamour never stops. I'm having a massive party this weekend, and anticipating that we'll do crazy things, like drink through straws, and laugh, loudly. I'll let you know.