The fairest of them all.

Yesterday, I thought someone looked nice and I said, 'Wow, don't you look Jazzy!'

Who says things like that? Seriously. I make myself sick.

I also discovered this guy - who's blog is way funnier than mine: http://copperbadge.livejournal.com/
And if that isn't upsetting enough, he's won an award for it.

I would like an award, so now I have to create 80 plus fake blogger accounts, and then comment on all my posts everyday. Because unlike with my blog, people actually leave their thoughts on his. Your secret thoughts are no good to me people, vent! Then I will cut up said award and give you a tiny, sharp piece. THANKS.

I also went all the way to Newcastle recently for a Nando's meal. They took so long to seat us, that I had to get my meal as a takeaway, and eat it on the train. Why does God hate me? I made the whole carriage stink of mango and lemon sauce, and this guy kept looking at me, and I wanted to say, 'When your life becomes one horrific joke after joke, don't come crying to me pal.' But I didn't, because mother didn't raise me to be quite so beastly to my fellow human.

I decided to speak to Ginger Beard again about how hard my life is, and he just nodded and played on Dream Zoo. It also doesn't help that I've given up nice food for a month, basically anything that tastes remotely palatable. I'm hitting the gym like a bitch (which is slang for saying, 'with much gusto'). It's day four of this new lifestyle, and I find myself thinner, with more energy, and generally being a complete dick. I blame the lack of sugar. I also think that it's better to look good, than be an upstanding citizen. I may not end up with any friends, but I will have a pleasant reflection.

I guess this is my way of saying, when I gave up coffee, I was probably awful to you. And now that I'm essentially GIVING UP food, chances are I'll probably still be awful to you. On the plus side, I recycle.