In the name of love

On Monday, I was finding life very difficult indeed. It had hardly taken its first baby step, and already I could hardly cope with myself. I had no idea where my house keys were. I'd forgotten my purse, and subsequently had no money. Security had to break into my locker at work. To top it all off, I was struggling to open doors. They were proving a real challenge.

If I had any common sense at all, I'd of just gone home , and cut my losses. Instead I went around saying odd and insulting things to people, and using the word 'awesome!!' with far too much emphasis.

Accountable for it all, is Saturday night's party. For which I was quite obviously, still suffering. Apparently you lose a few brain cells through drinking, but at some point, I've had a lobotomy.

I apparently led a class on how to assault your other half (if you must know: elbow to the face, other elbow to the face, and bring that knee up. You go girl!) We also started a choir in the kitchen, kicking off with 'Fresh Prince' and ending on Ring of Fire 'Johnny Cash. I agreed to open a textiles factory, and make nice pants. I brought a bit of Nottingham to the living room, which Ginger Beard found so appalling, he had to run away (in my defence I was only going down to the, down to the floor, and wind it back up, which we are educated to do in Primary School where I come from.)

When I'd decided that I'd had too much to drink, I was so disgusted with myself at being sensible, that I made a cocktail consisting of two ingredients, 1. Bacardi  2. Ice. Beauts.

I did manage to stay up to half 4, and only went to bed because I was so upset that I couldn't figure out how to get the duvet cover on the duvet.

I woke up at 8:30, and said a brief goodbye to everyone I loved, knowing I was firmly within my final moments on this earth. Then I got some juice. Then Ginger Beard sat on my side of the bed for the next two hours, where I dithered on the thin tightrope between life and death, informing me that he felt so sick he couldn't sleep, and thus, I had to get up to, because he was bored.

Now, I don't know how far love stretches for you, but for me, it's just not that far. I've told him to have a serious think about what he needs from me in this relationship, because it's unrealistic. If you would like to give him some pointers on how to man up, please do so on this 'ere blog.