Whoops

Writer At Lunch, learning about life so you don't have to................

It turns out that you can't separate frozen chipolata sausages with a glass pepper grinder and a knife. Which is shocking really. Because I thought it looked quite reasonable at the time.

Approach:

Leave sausages in plastic tray. Place on chopping board. Apply tip of large knife between first two sausages. Turn pepper grinder upside down. Smash base repetitively down on knife handle.

Voila!

Glass all over your sausages and a kitchen floor of peppercorns. You really should try this at home.

I'm sure you know what it's like - you really want some fucking sausages, and you'll employ any means necessary to get them. We've all been there.Thanks for understanding.

ALSO,

I walked into this man. He was a pretty normal man in a nice grey suit. Potentially, it could've been quite romantic. We both would've laughed, faux brushed one another down, and looking deep into my dull blue eyes, he would've exclaimed, 'Why, I do believe I'm in love' (because he's quite posh). Sadly though, a girl walked immediately into me, and you know what they say, three's a crowd. It's all because another girl, had decided to abruptly stop, and tousle her hair using a a police van window. She was so into it, she didn't even glance at our human pile up.

You know what though, it was totes worth it: her hair looked great. CHEERS.

And then there was this construction man, talking to this other construction man, and I was walking past with my headphones in, and he suddenly turned to me and said something.

So I stopped.

And I said, 'Sorry?'

And he said, 'What?'

And I said, 'You just shouted at me.'

And he said, 'I would never should at anyone.' And turned to his friend, who nodded, supporting this.

So I said, 'I had my music on, so I couldn't hear. But you said something.'

So he said, 'I didn't'.

And then we just stood there for a bit. Which was really uncomfortable, and then I left. The moral of the story is, if you think someone's trying to get your attention, ignore them, because you might just end up extending your work commute by four minutes, having no choice, but to avoid the Leeds Trinity Shopping centre, until they've finished it.

I'm completely plagued by social awkwardness at the moment. I don't like leaving the flat.

Oh! I really wanted to talk to you about Fifty Shades, but I can't be bothered now,  because I'm so effing tired, so..........

Here's my new favourite video instead. I watch it when life gets too painful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCiY1y3uJ3o&feature=g-all-u