Full of beans

Day five of no coffee. It's not pretty folks.

The view from my window is Starbucks.I've had my fingers pried from stroking the glass twice, alright, three times.

But you don't know what it's like!

It's like I'm in a prison, a prison that doesn't serve coffee!!

Unfortunately, coffee was having this mild side affect, whereby if I hadn't consumed any by 10:30am, I felt nauseous, and got a headache and my whole body went floppy. Apparently (according to a few friends) this was a bad sign.

But I liiiiikkkee it, I likea the coffee. I guess it's like that advert, where that woman's putting on mascara, and her eyes are bleeding, and they're all 'Would you ignore this?'

Yes, Yes I would, for a very long time.

But no more! I am not a slave to my addiction!

I went cold turkey over the bank holiday, and you know, I felt like complete shit.

Yesterday, I cheated, because I found this chocolate with coffee in, and I totally consumed it.

But mostly, I'm on the road to recovery. With every passing day, I feel a little bit less horrendous. Which is nice.

ALSO

Some complete tard-face vandalised my bus stop. They smashed the glass and stole the giant time table. Download it! You ASBO chump. It would be nice to think a proportion of my taxes could be funnelled into the repairs, but probably not, because it's too busy funding the FUCKING OLYMPICS.

(Mum, again, I'm really sorry about my vulgarity. To be honest, I think this is a direct result of my troubled upbringing. I was never really encouraged to express myself in the home, and bottled up my feelings. As an adult, this represents itself in bad language, and violent outbursts. I know what you're thinking, but I don't want you to blame yourself. It's really not your fault. I'm so glad we can have these talks).

ALSO

Ginger Beard has run away to Newcastle. Now, I wasn't that fussed at first. It was rather nice to eat chicken, and leave my clothes everywhere, and watch The Bachelor without judgement. But then I had a moment, it's one of those life changing moments, where you realise you really do love someone, very much. And their separation from you, is like a serrated knife, plunged into your....pancreas.......

I was hungover, practically dying, mentally sharing out my possessions, dry retching my way to recovery, when it hit me - I need ice lollies. I need them bad.

For the first time in five years, if I wanted something from the shop, I was going to have to go to the shop myself.

And that's when I realised, that I missed him.

It's modern romance people! Disney is so out of date. Aladdin shouldn't take her on a magic carpet ride and show her the world, he should hold her hair when the alchopops are coming back. We don't need Simba (Yes, I know he's a cat), to (what did Simba ever do that was romantic?) walk around to an Elton John song looking at that other lion. We need him to make lasagne when we've had a shitty day at work.

I digress.

The point is, I don't have any coffee and I really want some coffee, and I looked on the internet to find
caffeine withdrawal is totes and completely explains why I can't:

1. Stay asleep
2: Keep my head up
3. Say anything remotely intelligent.
4. Tolerate anyone.

CHEERS.