Buzz off

People (or specifically, men) keep dropping loose change at my feet.

Do I look like I offer some kind of service? And judging by the variation in coins, an array of services?

Or maybe, as I've been in flip flops every time, they want to help me buy some real shoes.

"Please put your feet away in shoes!!'

It happened again this morning, in Boots. A fifty pence piece landed on my big toe. I said to the man, 'I would get it, but...' and gestured to all of the £1 chicken mayo sandwiches in my arms.

That's right guys, bulk buying £1 sandwiches, that's where I've ended up in life.

But oh what a bargain!

ALSO,

A man grabbed my bum in Habitat.

Am I just a piece of meat to you guys, huh?

Is it because I wear respectable dresses in the day?

ALSO,

I had a lot of fun at the weekend, a kind of mischievous, addictive fun. James asked me to give him a list of pre-made decorative items that I'd bought for the wedding. It went a little like:

Me: Fifty brass keys, imported from the States.

GingerB: What?

Me: Keys James, American keys.

GingerB: For doors?

Me: *Sigh* For decoration.

GingerB: Where for?

Me: Oh my God, around, on surfaces.

GingerB: What else?

Me: Ten peacock feathers.

James: Fucking hell.

Hours of entertainment. Turns out, he had no idea about what I've been doing. And what I've been doing is spending all of our hard earned cash on overpriced objects that we will really struggle to re-use or re-sell.

What a team.



Recently, I found a bumblebee in my pants. A lot of you know this - you read it on Facebook. But unlike you guys, who can just mildly giggle, then move on with your lives, I can't. And why is that?

Because I found a bumblebee, a BUMBLEBEE, in my pants, IN MY PANTS.

I can't just brush that off. I can't just pretend that everything is normal now. I'm a compulsive pants checker. Just my own pants to clarify. I'm not going to volunteer to start checking your pants too. Check your own.

You really should. Why? Because there might just be a bumblebee chillaxing in them. #couldhavedied.

Think about it.