TMC - The Modern Chav (in its natural environment)

Today's Chav has evolved far beyond wheelie bin theft and trousers tucked into socks. Today's Chav is a philosopher, an entrepreneur. Today's Chav, is a traveller, and will soon be coming to a bus near you.

In a rare, but thrilling encounter, yours truly got close enough to one such creature on the 221, close enough to absorb 30mins worth of The Modern Chav.

Here is my expose: Whilst still sporting the baggy tracksuit bottoms, and the tendency for a lot of hand on crotch action, TMC, has been working hard to drastically improve his communication skills. And like other great thinkers (Socrates, Pythagoras etc), had loud wisdom to share, "You should never hit a woman, like, directly in the face. But if no one finds out, then it's okay." A skill TMC has mastered all too well, is the delicate art of persuasion, seen here, as he convinces his bus fellow Kim to pretend she was with him, when the girl in questions claims he, "knocked her teeth out." Not only cunning, but rich with logic, "She had it coming, because of her massive love handles."

TMS is more loyal that ever, supporting and defending his loved ones, but still prone to crass language and public displays of violence. His only reason for going into town, was to buy his 21 year old sister nit shampoo, which he has forgot. "Shit, wank, fucking bastard, the fucking shampoo." He strikes a defenceless seat, and then kindly asks everyone to, "Excuse my French, shit."

Now, although cheating on his girlfriend of one year and two months, he does eloquently summarise that it's not his fault, because "The thing has been going on for two long, I mean that's a long time." Kim agrees. Only later does TMC reveal, that he intends to have sex with Kim. Only this time he warns, "Do not fall asleep,"

I am hooked reader. I am so close, I'm practically snogging his acne riddled cheek.

Despite the majority of the bus being stacked to the roof with pensioners, our lovable MC, plays Kim a charming video, to which the only soundtrack is intermittent screaming. He offers Kim his coke bottle, "Go on, have a suck, or I won't let you off the bus," and goes on at length about how can she be so stupid to not know what pedigree spiders are.

David Attenborough - Have you considerd making way for the inspiring observations of a younger generation?

Does anyone know what pedigree spiders are?

Is anyone currently panicking that the MC are breeding massive tarantulas to kill the smart, stylish people, who conform to society and have a reasonable grasp of the English Language?

Nuff said, brap brap, respect Blud.