Friday, March 01, 2013

Rage against the....anything.

I've still got cake left!

Just in case you wanted some. Let me know.


I was on the train the other day, and there were two thick girls in the aisle.

I know that sounds harsh, but wait for it.

Me: Would you both mind moving there (two empty seats) so I can get past.

*Blank stares*

Me: It's just that I can't get to my seat.

One of them moves out the way, one of them stays where she is.

Me: If this is going to work, it will require both of you to do that.

THEN, and I shit you not, the one girl who'd moved out of the way, shifts back into the aisle.

Me: The initial problem stands.

Girl one: But I did what you asked!


It's the 5:07pm train between Manchester and Leeds. I've had a bad day. I've got an audience.

Girl one: I don't get it.

Me: For fuck's sake. (Old people in carriage gasp).

And then I basically pushed them into the space, because as it turns out I have a very Nottingham temper. For anyone who doesn't know Nottingham that well, people who spend a lot of time there stick loyally to the below:

-Swearing is always necessary, the more the merrier.
- If there's no path through a crowd, you fucking make a path (sorry, I'm props back in my Midlands mentality right now).
-Someone's just been shot? Tell me something I don't know.

It's like that time I went swimming, and this girl ignored the anti-clockwise lane system, and I splashed water in her face. Or when this other girl got too close to me at a Kate Nash concert and I pushed her over. Or when.....I think you get it.

Maybe I have some serious anger issues. Does anyone know a really great, Leeds-based therapist, so I can talk my issues through. I'm pretty sure it all boils down to one incident in my childhood, when my Dad bought be a bike and it wasn't anywhere near the colour I'd specified.

You have no idea about what I had to put up with.


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