Bench this, chump.

Who's going to put some of their cash into helping me buy a book bench?

If you donate upwards of £5, you can come round to my house and sit on it for free.

I don't have a house right now, but I'll sort that out once I have a bench.

I like this one because it will match the colour scheme in my house, once I have a house.

As she's quite scary, I'm going to put a cushion over her face. I want to be upfront about modifications, so that there are no nasty surprises once you've invested your money (remember - upwards of £5).

Sorry, this blog might be quite short, as I've just spent ten wasted minutes trying to work out how to buy a bench.

ALSO

I've been forced to create a 'happy' playlist on my Ipod. In order to distract myself from the bottomless misery of an average tube journey, and to prevent my listless body from launching itself in front of a train to make it all just go away, I'm trying to influence my brain with songs of the happy go lucky variety.

 This worked very well indeed when I had a seat, and could say, 'No Ipod, skip past this track, which so reflects my true feelings of anger and deep, deep desolation. Instead, let's rest a while with Girl's Aloud and pretend.'

Unfortunately, when standing, arms pinned to my sides, my Ipod would occasionally run feral and insist, despite being on shuffle, on playing the saddest Coldplay songs in a row. Also known as 'exacerbating an issue'.

And thus, the happy playlist was born. It's definitely not curing the problem, but it is slightly covering it up. Much like a cheap concealer, which although orange, masks something of the horrid situation underneath.

There, I feel better already.

On a happier note, it is my birthday tomorrow. This will probably make you more inclined to donate towards the bench, which is nice.

THANKS.