Thursday, July 10, 2014

Birthday Blog!

So....

I've been thinking.

And yes, that's a rare and (in my opinion) wonderful thing.

We've got 'Baby on Board' badges for the tube. Sure we have. Necessary. Nice idea.

But picture this, it's your birthday, you live in London. You're commuting. You're standing.

Well, not anymore, because you can slap on your 'BIRTHDAY ON BOARD' badge.

That's right people.

This fucking birthday, is on board.

Sorry for the swearing again Mum, I got overexcited at the thought.

There are a few hiccups in this plan to work out before it's launched by the Government:

1) Who is more entitled to a seat, should it come to it - Baby on Board or Birthday on Board. They have nine months of priority sitting, you have 1 blimin day. But over a lifetime, you could have, like, 80 days of sitting, but then they could have shit loads of children. It's tough. Opinions welcome.

2) Regulation. Who will police this? I suggest that we hire someone to police both badges, seeking out passports to confirm birthdays and performing ultrasounds to confirm pregnancies.

3) I think if someone sits opposite you, they should have to say 'Happy birthday to you!' or they get fined. The same person who checks passports and performs ultrasounds can issue fines. All in all, it's a full time position, which is supporting the economy.

THEN I THOUGHT (And this is where it gets deep), hang on just a teeny weeny second here. Birthday rewards from society.

Let's say that every five years or so, from 18, the Government rewards you for being a good little sheep, for going along with it all. If you've not, you know, robbed a bank, stabbed a stranger, or microwaved a cat, David Cameron recognises your commitment to helping society chug along nicely. Maybe a floral vase, M&S vouchers. Ooooohh money.

AND THEN I THOUGHT, Wow, I should really sleep more.




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