Friday, October 10, 2014

Crowd control

Something bad has happened in London.

And no, I'm not talking about the zillions of bad, commonplace things that happen every day (someone please get me out of here). I'm talking about the rain.

And not just any rain.

But rain that seems to have nourished the filthy London streets, encouraging the rapid growth of more bastard Londoners.

Where have they all come from?

Cyclists. Cyclists who are afraid of a little water.

I say, that you are only allowed to have one mode of commuting transport, and that you must commit to it, come rain or shine.

Either that, or every year, there's a series of obligatory tests, and if you fail too many, you die.

Did someone say, Hunger Games?

I mean, it's not like I watched the first and second film, thinking, wow, what an ingenious method of population control. But, think about it.

ALSO

Because I'm concerned that I'm on some kind of internet watch list for overuse of words like 'die, death, murder, stabbing', and my much cherished phrase, 'punch them in the face,' I'm going to quickly try and save myself by writing:

Kittens, sunshine, tupperware, peace, cuddles, M&S and love.

There, that should do it.

AND

I overheard this great conversation between a Putney Posho and her young son. I've given her a name but I'm pretty sure it's her real name.

Marabelle: 'Tell me Ridley, what is the presentation actually about?'

Ridley: 'Well, we each have to talk about a charity we believe in, and convince others to believe in it too.'

Marabelle: 'And what's your approach?'

Ridley: 'I'm going to talk about how rubbish the other kids' charities are.'

Marabelle: 'That's ridiculous. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.'

*Silence*

Marabelle: 'What's your charity?'

Ridley: 'Old people. Because loneliness is the most terrible thing that can happen to a person.'

Marabelle. 'It's really not. And I don't think children care about old people. They only care about animals, so I think you should change your charity.'

I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH.

I mean, not in a creepy way, but in the way that I would throw my TV away if they promised to move in, and be invisible and quiet apart from the times that I request them to entertain me with their conversations.





No comments:

Post a Comment