Having coffee with Jesus

The other day, I decided to go church.

Now, I'm not religious, but I do like to dip my toes into the pool of possibility from time to time. That is, that life gets incredibly boring if we strictly stick to what we believe, without ever entertaining alternatives.

I'm not a particularly wholesome person. I swear far too much, and I'm ridiculously selfish. Going to church doesn't mean I want to change. I don't. I have a lot of fun with my flaws. But what it can be, if you don't get too intense about it, is extremely motivational.

The speaker on Friday was incredible, a real two thumbs fresh. Hilarious, current, and right on the money. A comedian at heart, he played out various anecdotes, harping back to one core belief - Mediocrity is worse than failure. It was the idea that so many of us go around in this crouched position, never quite committing to the sit, never standing straight and fighting for something. And then of course, the tale would wind it's way back to God, and his role as a pillar of support in this battle. Well, that's where I sat back, and opted out. As I mentioned to my friend on the way home, 'I want to take credit for my strength.' If I wrestle with my demons and come out victorious, I've earned the pat on my own back.

I guess my struggle with this, with believing in God, is the idea that you require a third party to lean on, something beyond yourself that will help carry you through. Maybe I lack the required amount of faith. Maybe my own innate cynicism will always be what stands between me and divine intervention. But at this period in my life, only concrete sources keep me strong, things like friends, family, and the decisions I make.

On Saturday I had a spring in my step, and felt kind of restored to maximum potential. On Monday, I ran my furthest, thinking on the Speaker's well chosen words. And this is what I'm trying to say; I don't think you have to go to church with apprehension, with the idea, that as a non Christian it means you shouldn't be there, and that as a result, you have nothing to learn.

I learnt a lot.

I guess the ultimate battle is with yourself, and arming yourself with tactics, and the self-awareness to combat you, is a smart move. Plus everyone oozes niceness, and hugs you, and gives you a chance. When I compare that to the commuter train to Manchester, I can't tell you how much I need it.