Intimidation is underrated

If you're feeling like your recent cinema trips are a little too sedate, then I have some excellent advice for you. Simply recruit an aggressive Yorkshire man, and a clueless Ginger Beard, instantly transforming the event into an absolute hoot.

Firstly, you'll all be able to sneak in Starbucks, just by mentally projecting the threat of violence. Approach the ticket checker with a furrowed brow, crack your knuckles, make her realise you're serious.

Send your Ginger Beard up to the correct row first. Even though he can't see, and has no idea of your seat numbers, he will isolate a group of strangers and accuse, 'You're in our seats.'

They will say, 'No, there are our seats.'

And he will stare at them.

Introduce your Yorkshire man, who will point at a seat, and count along, '9, 10, 11, 12...' before looking up at a different man, and saying, 'Our seats.'

Chaos, as second group also refuse to move. Yorkshire man then realises he's been looking at the screen number instead.

Register that you're quickly running out of people to piss off.

You find the seats.

Your neighbour is so terrified, he offers to move further away, if it would make you happy.

Voila, absolute hoot.

Also - watch The Avengers, because it's like, totally, totally, AmazeBalls.

ALSO, watch it in 3D, becuase if you're lucky, in the way that I'm lucky, you'll get to wear the 3D glasses on top of your actual glasses, which believe it or not, makes you look like a covert celebrity with more style than substance.